Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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