You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
