question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
