how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
