and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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