I just threw up on my dentist
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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