I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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