u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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