True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
