Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
