I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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