how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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