i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
