i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
