He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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