Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize