dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
