I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
