Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
