He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
