dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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