i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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