Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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