I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize