pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
false alarm. still invincible.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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