i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
