Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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