i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
