Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
