When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
