Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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