Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..

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(940): View more from Texas

Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

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(513): View more from Ohio

successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here

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(313): View more from Michigan

Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I like the way you think.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger

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(720): View more from Colorado

I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.

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