Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

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(631): View more from New York

ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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(804): View more from Virginia

For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

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(812): View more from Indiana

Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life

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(519): View more from Ontario

Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled

(1-519): View more from Ontario

And that's what dreams are made of

(519): View more from Ontario

*hilary duff crying in the background*

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