i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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