I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize