Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
