When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
