Don't make out with my wife yet
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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