How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
