you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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