Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's the barista slut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
