I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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