I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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