New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
