I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
