the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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