So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
