he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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