Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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