trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
