Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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