Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize