i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
