i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When are your genitals available?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
