Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
