did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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