Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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