Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
