i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
