Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
