his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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