whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
