Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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