u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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