$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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