I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
