I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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