no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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