Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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