ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
