who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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