I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
God I need to hump something, right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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