morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
