Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize