Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
