I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
