I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
