Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think my mom watched the whole time
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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