I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As shirtless as possible
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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