i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
