Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
