the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
