Me. At least after what I've been through.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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